Matrimony

I left this as a comment on Annie's site, but it was too introspective not to reproduce here. ;)

I've been legally married twice, and by common law, several other times. I've had children in and out of wedlock, and I have suffered (and caused others to suffer) some slings and arrows of matrimony.

I was interested to read your column on rom-coms, Annie. I think that's in a nutshell what killed my first marriage. We were young, inexperienced, and I was under the dillusion that marriage would make my grief over my brother's death all better. It didn't.

I turned down a marriage proposal some time after that, although the idea that I could make it work with an ex-con/ mental patient/ welfare bad boy did cross my mind. Fortunately, I had evolved a little in my thinking, and I moved on.

I got pregnant with a man whose preferred method of "courting" was to call me up at 9:30 pm on a Wednesday to ask if I was horny. He liked me to leave the lights off, and the sliding glass door unlocked, so he could let himself in, and leave without the bother of human interaction- what was I thinking? Thank goodness I did not convince myself I could/would make it work with him, although I was left with a treasure of a boy from him.

I promised myself I would be a better wife to Willis, which worked for a while. He was a good man, but the mental health issues we both struggled with made this relationship pretty challenging. He died from bipolar disorder, and I still sometimes regret that I wasn't the wife I aspired to be with him. I'm a better widow, I think.

My current marriage is my last, with any luck. Neither of us wishes to undertake the legal trappings of marriage this time round, but we both wear rings. We refer to each other as husband and wife.

Will "it" work? I'm no longer sure that there is any "it" to marriage. Rob and I do our utmost to get along, support each other, learn from each other, enjoy each other. Neither of us is interested in doing this over again, so we are pretty determined to figure out how to keep getting along, even when it is challenging to do so.

So, what I want from marriage, this time 'round, is to be a partner, lover and companion, and to have one in return. So far, so good.

Mother's Day Tribute to All Women

One Flaw In Women

By the time the Lord made woman,
He was into his sixth day of working overtime.
An angel appeared and said,
"Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
And the Lord answered,
"Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken
heart -and she will do everything with only two hands."
The angel was astounded at the requirements.
"Only two hands!? No way!
And that's just on the standard model?
That's too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish."
But I won't," the Lord protested.
"I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick
AND can work 18 hour days."
The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
"But you have made her so soft, Lord."
"She is soft," the Lord agreed,
"but I have also made her tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.
The Lord replied,"Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
"Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."
"That's not a leak, "the Lord corrected,
"that's a tear!"
"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
her loneliness, her grief and her pride."
The angel was impressed.
"You are a genius, Lord.
You thought of everything!
Woman is truly amazing."
And she is!
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness,
love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Happy mother's day to all- please remember your worth and value in this world.

Love,

Sally