A couple of news stories reported fairly widely by CBC in my neck of the woods have gotten me thinking and wanting to express some opinions, without interruption- I think that’s what a blog is for, right?
Story 1: 3 young children murdered in Merritt, BC- only suspect is their father, who is at large. He had been estranged from their mother, and had a criminal history; he had been released on bail the week before the murders, after having been brought up on charges for uttering threats to a child and the principal at his daughter’s school. the other child had apparently said or done something to induce tears in his daughter, and he presumably reacted in response to that. Protectiveness over one’s child? I can relate. Letting him out on bail, rather than holding him, when the risk was deemed to be minimal? Okay. Taking the lives of your own children? Seems so impossible, and yet it does happen from time-to-time. I ache for the mother and what she has been through, and I can only imagine the mental health deficits taking place in their relationship and within the father himself. This is a sad, sad story, and even when the father is found and dealt with, there will still be this ineffable sadness about the whole situation.
Story 2: A young woman, 19 years of age, an immigrant to this country, made a police complaint some months back, about the abuse she was suffering at the hands of her boyfriend, with whom she was cohabiting. She was pregnant with his child at the time. He went to trial this week, on those charges. She was to appear as a material witness in the prosecution, but failed to appear in response to being subpoenaed. As a result, she was apprehended and jailed, pending her appearance on the stand at his trial. She was reported to have been 9 months pregnant at this time, mere days away from giving birth (although it turns out she’s got another month to go). She’s been the subject of a fair amount of media attention, and has been adamant in her assertion that she would not testify against her boyfriend, and that she wanted him acquitted so he could go home to be a good father to their child. On testimony day, that’s pretty much what she did- recanted her previous (taped) statement about his abusiveness, and was then released to go on her way.
There was much hue and cry about how wrong it was to have the victim in this situation jailed, but in light of the other story, where a man with a criminal past and a hyper-reactive present was released, with tragic consequences, I certainly have sympathy with those who were trying to have the boyfriend convicted and jailed. It may be that their efforts will have been in vain, because of her most recent testimony, but also because her character will no doubt be called in question, and found wanting, since she has a previous child in her home country, being raised by her mother.
And so it goes. The chances of the unborn daughter having a real chance to lead a life unaffected by abuse, and not ending up like the kids in Merritt seems very slender. Legal recourses have not served us well in eliminating abuse within families- I wonder whether anything can work. How do we build enough self-esteem in our children, especially our girls, so that they can make wise choices in their partners, and be supportive, caring, loving partners and parents in turn? I hope that I can be that parent and partner, but today, I have been shooing away my kids, especially Sydney, who has been particularly clingy.
Okay- time to leave blog-land and attend to my little loves.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I don't have the answer. For all that has happened over the last 40 years of the Women's Movement, we still have women making the same wrong choices. Partly it is the tolerance our society still has for the idea that some crimes are "domestic" rather than simply crimes. And partly it is because our world still largely devalues women, obviously and subtly.
Much to think about.
P.S. - you have my link still going to the old site.
Yeah, I've been meaning to change your link- I'll do it now...
Sal,
I'd glanced at the first story on the front of the Globe, but had not checked into particulars. But, I just don't know what to think or do about these sorts of situations. It seems like men (or women) who would do these sorts of things may have the seeds planted when they were young. That is cycle that seems hard to stop (although not impossible; my own father physically abused my mother - I personally find that behaviour repugnant and could not even consider such a thing).
On the second story (which I have not heard about); was the boyfriend immigrant as well? Or he is a citizen (native born or otherwise). Sometimes it seems that women will put up with a lot if they think their tie to an abusive partner is their only security. I don't know why that is, either. As Ann says, it might be societal, but in any case it probably also has roots at a young age.
Until we can figure out some balance or definition of where the state should be or should not be involved, we will likely not find solutions or achieve improvements.
It would be nice if there was some kind of instant panacea for this troubling situation, but the reality is there isn't. I think sometimes the best we can do is doing what we can. The effect may be small in scope, but it will be positive, no?
Rob
I think it must go far beyond a simple gender issue. The news is full of stories telling how mothers murder their own children, and female-perpetrated sex crimes are woefully underreported. I think it has more to do with the failings of society in general (although that's a gross oversimplification).
It saddens me terribly to think that someone had the capacity to kill one's own children, but then it would hardly be the first thing to sadden me about the human animal.
Post a Comment