She is so critical and ready to find fault with me. I know she had a hard upbringing, and has had a lifetime full of emotional trauma herself, but I'd like her to find some other way to deal with it than tossing it my way.
She thinks that whatever slights get handed to my kids at this stage are insignificant and that they are resilient enough to shrug off ill-treatment. If that was true, I would not be so screwed-up now (and neither would she, perhaps). I cannot let her get to my kids the way she got/gets to me- I simply can not and must not.
She was talking about guardianship of the kids in the event of both Rob's and my deaths; she thinks that she and my dad should have physical custody and that my brother and sister-in-law could be their back-up. She says the family/household rules would have to change, but that they would do okay, and at least they would be with family.
I am horrified by this idea; enough so that I will choose a different executor/executrix for my will as soon as I get back to town (I have never and would never have my parents responsible for the custody of my children- shudder).
My mother says that if she could have my kids for a week, she would have their fussy-eating, tantrums, whininess, tattle-telling and various other sins trained out of them, without once laying a hand on them. I have no real objectivity here, but I don't think my kids are that bad (nor are my step-kids, although I am, no doubt, harder on them than on my own kids).
I'm no disciplinarian, and I know I make mistakes with my parenting and step-parenting; I really hope I am making different mistakes with my own children than were made with me; and I really, fervently hope that my children will not be as damaged by their upbringing as I was by mine.
I wonder whether we could stay at my brother's house for some of the time during our next visit. I know I would drive them nuts, but it might be safer than staying with my folks. That is such a sad thing to say.
5 comments:
Hey Sal,
Sorry that your visit with family is so emotionally trying. I can relate as I have been there and done that. (Hasn't everybody, really?)
Just keep in mind that the visit will be over and you'll be back in more comfortable surroundings before you know it.
Take care. ((Hugs))
Rob
Rob and I decided that it is hotels for home visits from now on. Sometimes visiting means being able to retreat to one's own space at the end of the day.
Thanks, guys. I'm very glad to retreat at the end of the day to my computer, and I certainly will be glad and grateful to be back at home. Tomorrow should be good- CNE and Ontario Place.
S
in the event of your death and your husband's death?
wow! I thought I was pretty obsessed with death but your mother makes me look like an amateur
I know how you feel. My mother belittled me, even when she was bragging about me. A B+ was instantly converted to an A- in the telling. Which said to me that what I had done wasn't good enough. We must be related, somehow.
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