Painful

I went to a Gathering in memory of Bruce today. I cried. 

I know Diane's pain, and today I felt it a little, too. It has been 6 weeks or so since Bruce died, and 2 years since Willis left us. Today both losses felt raw. 

Some of the folks at the Gathering knew Willis. Some of the folks, like Diane and her son, understood my pain. 

Diane did well today- brave and tearless. But the look in her eyes... the ineffable pain, the awful truth and depth of loss and bewilderment and agony. I had to look away. I wonder whether other people see what her eyes say. I wonder whether they can stand to look into the depths of that pain.

Diane had brought Willis's memorial bench to the Gathering, for extra seating and to have him close. It felt very right to sit on that bench, with my kids. I think my old neighbours, who loved Willis too, had been sitting on it when we arrived. 

Life and death. Pain and joy. Love and loss. Each is meaningless without the other, I think.