Time

I have tried in recent weeks to operate from a position that time and time-keeping are an arbitrary human/western concoction, and that I am actually in tune with universal rhythms and that it is okay to be that way. Unfortunately, my attitude is not making me on time, nor is it currently helping me to be okay with being late. Problem is, I’m up against a pretty big societal more, and I need to meet some minimum requirements for timeliness, or deal with the consequences of tardiness. I guess that’s my goal: to be on time, when I need to be, or be okay with being late, and accept the consequences of a society that says it is not okay to be late. 

There are two circumstances where I have particular trouble with being okay with being late. These are Sam’s school drop-off and Sydney’s daycare pick-up. The rest, I am either okay with the consequences of being late, or I will deal with those situations later.

I hope that exploring the history, emotionality and psychology around my tardiness, in story form, may get me to some peace and possibly changed action behaviour, as well as changed thinking/feeling behaviour. Ready?

There is a girl-child in a meadow, exploring. She is perfectly content. Time is immaterial, because she is busy with the world around her. Birds and butterflies dance in the sunshine, flowers buzz and wave, the trees are telling stories. The colours are vibrant and welcoming. The meadow is warm and safe. All the animals passing by are friends, and many of them choose to stay and rest in her lap, or at her feet. This is a happy place and a happy time.

There are no interruptions or demands here. Hunger seldom intrudes, and tiredness is resolved by napping peacefully. Boredom is a long way off. Loneliness is an occasional visitor, and may signal a time to leave the meadow for a bit.

The world outside this meadow is not at all pretty. It is, in fact, downright ugly. There is anger and violence and noise and chaos. There is no time for exploring or questions or safety. Everything is rushed and threatening or indifferent. There is no room for caring; there is too much judgement and not enough compassion. Why would she ever want to leave the meadow and be in the noisy, dirty, gray place?

Clearly, she would not choose to leave the meadow very often. The sad reality is that children are not allowed to make all their own choices all the time; sometimes, choices are made for them. Sometimes, when the choices are made with compassion and grace and gentleness and presented without rancour and stridency, other people’s choices are not so bad, and leaving the meadow is ok. Especially if the meadow remains to visit another time.

Problem is, often, choices are made for children, for girl-child in particular, and these choices are not made gently and are not presented with compassion. Sometimes, girl-child is wrenched from the meadow, not by force, but with violence none-the-less. Sometimes, the consequences of refusing to leave the meadow, in a timely manner, under duress, are shattering.

It takes a lot of uninterrupted meadow time to make up from being wrenched from the meadow without permission, at someone else’s beck and call, without recognition that the meadow exists and is important.

The meadow is a special place, and girl-child has the right to be there. She needs to be there to refresh, grow, re-energize. Without the meadow, girl-child may die. Perhaps girl-child does die a little inside every time she leaves the meadow, without knowing whether she can come back, without knowing whether the meadow will even exist when she does come back.

The meadow is special; girl-child is special. Meadow time is special and necessary, and girl-child’s time there should be honoured. Not everyone is invited to have a meadow, and those that do should be honoured, not ridiculed, for having a meadow.

Girl-child should not be made to leave the meadow with the threat of violence, nor without permission or acknowledgement that she has been in the meadow and may need time to say good-bye to the meadow.

“I need you to finish up what you’re doing (even if it appears to be nothing), because I need us to leave/go somewhere/change activities in 5 minutes. I will not stand over you during that 5 minutes to insist that you stop your activity in my way. I will not hurt you if you do stop, nor will I hurt you if you don’t stop. I will try very hard to come to your level if you have not finished your activity in 5 minutes, and I will lower, not raise my voice, to help you change activities. If you need more than 5 minutes, I will try to be patient, and remember that I do not have all the answers and that my agenda is not the only one of importance in our relationship.”

Girl-child has the right to be. Girl-child is. I choose to honour girl-child for having a meadow. I will do my utmost to remember to leave the meadow gently, and to ask girl-child and her cohorts (offspring?) to leave the meadow gently. I will spend time in the meadow wisely. I will acknowledge to myself when I am in the meadow and I will feel the joy and the peace of the meadow. I will avoid living in a perpetual state of fighting to stay in the meadow without appreciating what it offers. When I do not remember to appreciate the meadow, and get lost in nothingness which is not refreshing, I will be gentle with myself. When I let myself BE, truly BE in the meadow, I will feel calm and refreshed afterwards. I will enjoy my time in the meadow. I will choose to spend time in the meadow. I will protect my time in the meadow, and I will remind myself not to squander time in the meadow. I will let writing and exercise stand for time in the meadow. I will come back to the meadow soon.

(YOU GO GIRL!)