Seething

This too shall pass.

Tonight, Rob received a scathing e-letter from his ex, absolutely trashing me, saying that the boys have nothing positive to say about me or our relationship. According to her, amongst my sins are wearing revealing clothing, having sex in the hot tub, making Rob’s kids refer to my children as step-siblings, being immature enough to make the boys cry by saying I am going to have a baby with their father, that the boys resent the amount of time Rob spends with my kids, that I often “crys and crys” and is very depressed... She ends saying that she finds it “frusterating” not to get a response back to Rob when she sends him an email.

Rob sent back an email, and talked with his boys, and I think that all is more-or-less well. I am left with echoes of anger, resentment, self-doubt; especially self-doubt.

I have enough experience to know that much of what Sarah is saying really points out her own inadequacies, as a parent, ex-wife and step-wife.

She is an exceedingly poor communicator. Her spelling, grammar and sentence construction are beyond atrocious (including spelling my name repeatedly as “Saly”); she is unable to address her concerns in an adult-to-adult forum, and certainly not a face-to-face one.

I am reminded of times when Cynthia, Willis’s ex, spoke with me or with me and Willis, when she had concerns about the well-being of her child while in our care. I never received those concerns well at the time, which I still regret a little, but I have made my peace with Cynthia, and now welcome her insight into parenting and co-parenting. The fact, though, that Cynthia was able to speak about her concerns in person with us, and that she made a solid effort, in the face of some opposition, to create an atmosphere of team parenting, tells me that it is possible.

In the meantime, I question my own performance. Are any of Sarah’s accusations, or the boys’, founded? Much of what she says is either entirely inaccurate or “ancient” history, but is there any part of my step-parenting which does need attention?

I suspect that the real underlying issue may be that the boys have not been getting enough of their dad’s time and attention. This is something I can do something about. I can take my own kids out to do stuff with just them, or I can encourage Rob to take his boys out. I’ve been feeling extra-homebody-ish lately, and I don’t look forward to having to go out, but this sounds like a pretty important reason to have to push my envelope.

A little piece of me is wanting to pull the widow card on this one. I wrote a tongue-in-cheek response to Sarah’s letter, which will not see the light of day, except for the brief excerpt here: "...they resent the amount of time you spend with her kids." "Would you like to take "Saly's" kids for a while? Or should she send them to be with their dad at the cemetery?"

Sometimes, I just like to point out the depth of my loss. Sigh.