A rant on mature-rated games...

These are the reasons I do not want mature-rated games in the house:

• they are not necessary
  
• there are dozens of games in the house already
  
• there is too much time spent in front of a screen by each family member as it is
  
• the mature rating means that the material is inappropriate under the age of eighteen
  
• if there are small children in the house, they may be exposed to extreme violence and language
  
• if they are excluded from the activities, that may hurt their feelings
  
• is there any research to suggest that violent video games enhance development?
  
• is there any research to suggest they can be detrimental to development?
  
• there are many more appropriate activities in which to partake- activities which might promote better physical, mental, emotional health
  
• mature-rated games are not necessary to a person’s continued well-being or health
  
• what is the trade-off?
  

We're having issues at home- can you tell?

T-Shirt Friday

nursemyra posts pictures from her collection every week, in an event called "Corset Friday"; on the last Friday of the month, she hosts a "T-shirt Friday". Today, I'm joining in.

I directed Rob as to where to get this nightdress for me for Christmas. 

Anyone who knows me knows exactly how apt it is.

This winter is not for the birds...

... nor for the rabbits, or even raccoons.

The rabbits have been in an enclosure on the lawn for the past few months. I had thought they would be okay outside during our usually moderate winter. I changed my mind, and they're now in our "Harry Potter room".

The raccoons have been giving us a hard time when we venture outside; perhaps because their access point beneath the deck is snowed over?

Remember this? This was last February. We were all enjoying some time on the lawn.

That same spot now looks SO forlorn, or perhaps magical, if you enjoy that kind of thing.

And then there are the hummingbirds. I'm not sure whether it was this one, or the one she insisted on chasing off, who succumbed to exposure. I've got a work light out there now, to help keep the area a little less frigid, and we had another hummer at the feeder today.

I'd like a return to more seasonal weather, soon, thanks.

Matrimony

I left this as a comment on Annie's site, but it was too introspective not to reproduce here. ;)

I've been legally married twice, and by common law, several other times. I've had children in and out of wedlock, and I have suffered (and caused others to suffer) some slings and arrows of matrimony.

I was interested to read your column on rom-coms, Annie. I think that's in a nutshell what killed my first marriage. We were young, inexperienced, and I was under the dillusion that marriage would make my grief over my brother's death all better. It didn't.

I turned down a marriage proposal some time after that, although the idea that I could make it work with an ex-con/ mental patient/ welfare bad boy did cross my mind. Fortunately, I had evolved a little in my thinking, and I moved on.

I got pregnant with a man whose preferred method of "courting" was to call me up at 9:30 pm on a Wednesday to ask if I was horny. He liked me to leave the lights off, and the sliding glass door unlocked, so he could let himself in, and leave without the bother of human interaction- what was I thinking? Thank goodness I did not convince myself I could/would make it work with him, although I was left with a treasure of a boy from him.

I promised myself I would be a better wife to Willis, which worked for a while. He was a good man, but the mental health issues we both struggled with made this relationship pretty challenging. He died from bipolar disorder, and I still sometimes regret that I wasn't the wife I aspired to be with him. I'm a better widow, I think.

My current marriage is my last, with any luck. Neither of us wishes to undertake the legal trappings of marriage this time round, but we both wear rings. We refer to each other as husband and wife.

Will "it" work? I'm no longer sure that there is any "it" to marriage. Rob and I do our utmost to get along, support each other, learn from each other, enjoy each other. Neither of us is interested in doing this over again, so we are pretty determined to figure out how to keep getting along, even when it is challenging to do so.

So, what I want from marriage, this time 'round, is to be a partner, lover and companion, and to have one in return. So far, so good.

"I'm feeling much better now..."

I'm grateful that I don't work with Sabre-toothed cats...

... because the domestic variety is sufficiently sharp-toothed as it is.

(she slipped out of her muzzle to give me this bite, which actually had prettier colours the day before this photo was taken. I still have the marks from seven teeth, as well as the scratches from the week before from a different cat. If my reflexes get slower with age, I'm in trouble.) 

Entropy

• We have “lost” 5 people since August at work
  
• We have lost about 60 people at work in the 13 years I have been there
  
• Sometimes I really hate work
  
• I don’t have an up-to-date résumé
  
• I can’t change jobs anyway
  
• What would I do?
  
• How would I afford our mortgage?
  
• The financial advisor we saw today figured we would have had 3 months at current debt ratios before running out of money
  
• I need to work more, not less, according to the bank
  
• I feel like I hardly ever see my children
  
• Christmas shopping- arrggh!
  
• How can I still have so many boxes left to unpack? We’ve lived here for a year now
  
• My BFF is moving back to BC
  
• She and her parents just saw our house for the first time
  
• The house was assessed at a higher value when we bought it than what we actually paid for it- score!
  
• Will the assessed value of the house now allow us enough credit latitude to wait out the remaining payouts on Willis’s estate? probably
  
• Do you have your wills written?
  
• I don’t, not completely
  
• Sigh
  
• I know what I would like to do at work, but I’m not sure how to go about being able to do it
  
• That’s part of the problem with being indispensable
  
• or is it being an enabler?
  
• Willis’s birthday is coming up
  
• Rob and I figured out our Christmas gifts, and purchased most of them today
  
• Rob says screw housework and chores next weekend- we’re going to see the iMax and the trees at the Empress
  
• Sounds good to me!
  
• I am a better money manager than this
  
• I supported Syd’s daycare manager today, by telling her that the parent who just took a strip off her was acting badly and did not reflect on the quality of care she was providing, and what was he doing blasting her in public anyway?
  
• We have a credit with Westjet, and we’d like to fly somewhere warm, but what to do about the kids? and how to afford a hotel?
  
• Sigh
  
• I’m actually pretty happy with my life: I own my own home (sort of), with a man I love, who is secure enough to share me with a dead man, who does not cause me too much trouble (lately), and I have kids and step-kids I love, and I have some wonderful pets, and although my folks are coming to stay for a couple of weeks after Christmas, I know it will be okay, because my mother is better behaved on my turf, and because I really do love my parents
  
• I think I might pre-write my mother’s epitaph, for my own therapy, and to share with her while she is alive how wonderfully intricate my feelings for her are
  
• One day, the ache in my jaw and the knot in my back and the weasel in my neck will give way to other, newer maladies
  
• I really do love blogging as an outlet
  
• I am very grateful for online friends
  
• Grin!

Seething

This too shall pass.

Tonight, Rob received a scathing e-letter from his ex, absolutely trashing me, saying that the boys have nothing positive to say about me or our relationship. According to her, amongst my sins are wearing revealing clothing, having sex in the hot tub, making Rob’s kids refer to my children as step-siblings, being immature enough to make the boys cry by saying I am going to have a baby with their father, that the boys resent the amount of time Rob spends with my kids, that I often “crys and crys” and is very depressed... She ends saying that she finds it “frusterating” not to get a response back to Rob when she sends him an email.

Rob sent back an email, and talked with his boys, and I think that all is more-or-less well. I am left with echoes of anger, resentment, self-doubt; especially self-doubt.

I have enough experience to know that much of what Sarah is saying really points out her own inadequacies, as a parent, ex-wife and step-wife.

She is an exceedingly poor communicator. Her spelling, grammar and sentence construction are beyond atrocious (including spelling my name repeatedly as “Saly”); she is unable to address her concerns in an adult-to-adult forum, and certainly not a face-to-face one.

I am reminded of times when Cynthia, Willis’s ex, spoke with me or with me and Willis, when she had concerns about the well-being of her child while in our care. I never received those concerns well at the time, which I still regret a little, but I have made my peace with Cynthia, and now welcome her insight into parenting and co-parenting. The fact, though, that Cynthia was able to speak about her concerns in person with us, and that she made a solid effort, in the face of some opposition, to create an atmosphere of team parenting, tells me that it is possible.

In the meantime, I question my own performance. Are any of Sarah’s accusations, or the boys’, founded? Much of what she says is either entirely inaccurate or “ancient” history, but is there any part of my step-parenting which does need attention?

I suspect that the real underlying issue may be that the boys have not been getting enough of their dad’s time and attention. This is something I can do something about. I can take my own kids out to do stuff with just them, or I can encourage Rob to take his boys out. I’ve been feeling extra-homebody-ish lately, and I don’t look forward to having to go out, but this sounds like a pretty important reason to have to push my envelope.

A little piece of me is wanting to pull the widow card on this one. I wrote a tongue-in-cheek response to Sarah’s letter, which will not see the light of day, except for the brief excerpt here: "...they resent the amount of time you spend with her kids." "Would you like to take "Saly's" kids for a while? Or should she send them to be with their dad at the cemetery?"

Sometimes, I just like to point out the depth of my loss. Sigh.